My Back Pages

My thought stream when I was stuck with nothing to do for 4 straight hours, sitting on my butt (more on that painful subject later) and with silence and incompetence around me…

“What an armpit of a job! Thank god I don’t have to do this everyday!”

“Wonder what kind of face I make will make them give me one more free coffee.”

“Would they think I am weird if I go to the loo again?”

“I hate this!! I hate this!!”

“What would be a good job? Really? Something any guy would want to do?”

“Hmm…nice line of thought to keep busy…lets go…”

“Ok, first thing is it has to have glamour. Good money?…yeah…that would help. Formula 1 driver? Wow!! Now there’s a job. All the pit lane babes. The yachts. The gazillion dollars. Sounds nice!”

“Wait a minute. My butt is aching like crazy!! Formula 1? Drive 500 km a day? Under huge G-forces? Strapped to a seat which prevents you from adding a single molecule more into it? Hmm…not such a dream job, is it?”

Plus, as you may have noticed, there are not too many F-1 drivers around. Sensitive butts and lack of talent are reported to be the leading causes. In no particular order.

“So, there it goes. F1 is a no-no. what else? Minimal talent required. Looks shouldn’t matter. Not too much traveling. Lots of hot women around. No rules in the office. Hmmm…PORN STAR!!”

“Yes mate. This is it!! I have hit upon something which every guy would want to be. Even their mothers would not call the porn stars handsome. Although I have my own doubts as to whether the mother even accepts him as her son!”

“Yeah man…porn stars…what a life!! Of course, there would be office rules. But I can live with those rules. If you know what I mean. (wink wink. Nudge nudge)”

“Oh…oh. Here comes the problem. I hate shaving my face. Or anything else. It is irritating. And repetitive. And a porn star…you know…well…you get the drift. (wink wink. Nudge nudge)”

“Can you imagine…the guy is getting ready. And his date is already there to pick him up. She’s heard so much about him, and his you know what. Cant wait!! And this guy disappears into the shower. ‘Hold on honey! I’ll just have a quick shave and be right with you!’”

“And two hours later, he’s there! Burning all over!! Man…that sucks.”

“But that would not even be the worst part of the date. The girl is ready to even order a take away pizza and move on to the main theme. And the guy also wants to order take away pizza…and go to a view point, watch the city lights and hold hands, kiss her on the cheek, and tuck into bed early! Coz he doesn’t like to work at home!!”

“Ahhhhhh!! Sucks man. Poor guys.”

“Guess every job has its armpit moments. Got…to…pull…through. Need…some…coffee. Ahhhh!!”

“Ah! That’s a sympathetic look from the receptionist.”

“Yes! Yes!! Sure!! Make that tea this time! Thanks!!”

“Wow! It works! Conned her again. Simple pleasures! Maybe this job isn’t all that bad…”